


How to: A guide to petting stray cats

by Annerp



Series: All about cats [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Awkward Dates, Awkward Flirting, Bad Advice, Clint has a big mouth, Dating, Except when he's Captain America, Fluff, Happy Ending, Ice cream makes it all better, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Steve is a mess, Steve is so awkward it hurts, Steve needs help, Wingman Natasha Romanov, frostshield - Freeform, stoki - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:48:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24710332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annerp/pseuds/Annerp
Summary: Loki has decided that he likes Steve's combination of good looks and awkwardness. In order to win his affections Loki seeks out dating advice on how to win a man straight from the 1940's.Alternate title: 5 times Loki got bad dating advice and 1 time he didn't.This is a sequel to 'Meow' the ridiculous meet ugly between Steve and Loki. You may want to read that one first if you haven't already. I've linked them in a series.
Relationships: Loki/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov
Series: All about cats [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1786510
Comments: 43
Kudos: 95





	1. The Basics

1- The basics, source- internet

His leg jumps nervously as he waits for his name to be called. On his phone there are several tabs open while he researches the best way to woo his man. He has to get this right, because meowing aside, Steve Rogers is the best thing he's come across since coming to this city. 

"Loki! Your drink is ready!”

Jumping up he bangs his knee against the table ensuring that every set of eyes turn his direction because what better way to have your first real conversation with the man of your dreams than to do it red faced, with a roomful of strangers staring at you and a throbbing knee. 

The only thing that could possibly make this better is for a random animal noise to come out of his mouth instead of the tried and true 'hello' he's been practicing in his head. But hey, it worked for Steve didn’t it?

He makes it back to his table, drink in hand just as Steve bursts through the door looking like a whirlwind of ass hugging jeans, tight shirt, disheveled hair and awkward apologies to the first two tables by the door that he runs into.

The blush high on his cheeks though is worth every second of barely restrained energy as Steve makes his way over to his table and slides with surprising grace into the chair opposite Loki.

"Hi!" Steve winces, presumably at the pitchyness of his voice and clears his throat before trying again. "Hello. Uh. I'm Loki." His eyes furrow together in a rather adorable way that Loki just wants to kiss smooth again. "No. You're Loki. I'm nice to meet you."

Loki snorts a laugh at the way Steve facepalms, breathing deeply to calm himself. God, this guy. 

"Steve. My name is Steve." 

And it’s showtime. Loki reaches his hand out and introduces himself with a smile. The enormous bear paw of a hand that Steve offers back is a little much, especially when it is pumping his own more delicate one just a touch too long and with a tad too much enthusiasm. Still though, Loki finds it quite endearing. Steve seems to realize what he’s doing a moment later and he withdraws his hand to set it safely in his lap. Already Loki misses the contact.

They spend the next fifteen seconds looking at everything but each other until Loki clears his throat and asks, “did you want to get yourself a drink?”

“Yes!” Steve’s response is loud. Loud enough to get everyone’s eyes on them again. He hunches his shoulders and ducks his head as though trying to make himself smaller. It doesn’t help. “Would you like me to get you something?” He asks, voice at a much more appropriate level. 

Gesturing to his cup Loki smiles. “I’m fine, thank you.” That earns him a half smile and a lovely tinge of pink over Steve’s cheeks. 

The blond pushes his chair back from the table resulting in an ear piercing shriek of metal on tile and once again all eyes are on them. Steve sighs and looks at the ceiling before plastering a decidedly fake smile on his face and heading for the counter. Everyone is still looking at him, but this time Loki is pretty sure the focus is on how amazing Steve’s ass looks in those jeans. 

With a cup in his hand to fiddle with Steve's nerves seem to calm dramatically and they spend the next twenty minutes talking about a myriad of topics with no mishaps. 

Right up until- "I have to get ready for work, but would you like to maybe have dinner sometime?"

The explosion of lukewarm coffee from the crushed cup in Steve's hand is as surprising as it is messy. The best part are the drops that Loki can feel hit his face and neck as he flinches back. 

"Shit! Shit, shit, fuck!" Steve jumps from his chair which thankfully doesn't scrape across the floor this time, but does topple over backwards for dramatic effect. He starts snatching napkins from the plastic dispenser on the table which of course don't cooperate and come out in little shreds of useless confetti. 

Defeated by a plastic box, Steve stands his chair up and sits down letting his forehead thunk onto the table right in a puddle of coffee. "Gross." 

And that one sadly uttered word is what pushes Loki over the edge and right into a fit of uncontrollable giggles. He shouldn't laugh. He knows he shouldn't, but dammit he can't help it.

He pulls a handful of napkins out of the dispenser that naturally works just fine for him and wipes his face and neck before starting to mop up the mess on the table.

Steve finally looks up and sheepishly takes the napkin Loki is holding out. Before he can wipe away the liquid threatening to drip between his eyes his phone goes off.

The change in his demeanor is instant as his posture straightens, the timber of his voice deepens and his expression closes off. His eyes flick to Loki every few seconds as he listens to whoever is on the line and his face reads of regret and apology as he ends the call with a terse, "ETA?" His eyes shift to the door as he listens to the answer. "Okay." 

"I'm sorry Loki, but I have to go. I had a really gr- uh, interesting time though. I'd like to do this again sometime?" His face reddens in a deep blush. "Well, maybe not all of this. You said dinner?" he adds with a self depreciating smile gesturing to the pile of soggy napkins next to his mutilated coffee cup.

"I'd like that," Loki tells him and is rewarded with the softest smile that melts his heart just a little.

"Yeah?"

"Rogers! Let's go. We're on the clock here." The voice comes from a man halfway in the door with dark hair, a ridiculous beard and a pair of no doubt expensive sunglasses with blue lenses perched on his face. 

Steve throws one last look over his shoulder as he follows the man out the door and climbs in the back of a black SUV.

The woman at the next table catches Loki's eye, mouth forming the word 'WOW' before she says, "he's a mess, but you better hit that."

Loki sighs and unlocks his phone, checking his open tabs.

1\. Don't be the aggressor. Let him ask you out. It's unbecoming to chase after a man. 

**_SHIT_ **

2\. Don't talk about yourself. Talk about him and his interests. Directing attention to yourself will cause him to lose interest. 

**_EHH_ **

3\. Let him pay. Don't make him feel like he can't provide for you by paying for yourself. 

**_OOPS_ **

4\. Don't embarrass him. Be on your very best behavior at all times. 

**_KINDA_ **

5\. Always look your best for him. 

**_Probably could have done better than jeans and a t-shirt_ **

He'll do better next time. He just needs to do a little more research. After all, how hard can it be to date a guy from the 1940's.


	2. Redbook June 17, 1943

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm making up dates for magazine articles. Let's all pretend I totally researched it.

2- Don't be the aggressor. Let him ask you out. It's unbecoming to chase after a man. -Source Redbook June 17, 1943

  
  


"You got a little something…" Natasha brushes her fingers across the front of her forehead and Steve frowns as he swipes at his skin coming away wet with coffee.

"Dammit," he sighs, sitting back against the plush leather seats of the SUV. 

"That bad?"

The look Steve gives her is apparently pathetic enough to answer her question. She hands him a folder and let's him read it over. "I'll come by, after, and we can eat ice cream and talk about your crush and how boys suck." 

"Hey! I'm a boy!" Tony sputters indignantly. 

Steve finds himself smiling despite himself and ignores Tony's pleas for attention. "Chocolate chip. And hot fudge." 

"I want ice cream!" Tony whines from his seat. 

Natasha levels him with a LOOK. "Are you having boy trouble?"

"No, but-"

"Then get your own ice cream."

***

Three exhausting days later Natasha flops down on the couch after she hands Steve a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream with hot fudge on top. "Alright, let's hear it."

Steve cradles the bowl to his chest and shoves a large spoonful in his mouth. "I don't wanna talk about it," he garbles around his ice cream. 

The look Natasha gives him has Steve ducking his head to avoid spilling his most recent string of embarrassing moments. It doesn't work and he finds himself recounting every second of his coffee date with Loki in excruciating detail. 

"Don't laugh at me," he whines from beneath the blanket he threw over his head after finishing his ice cream. 

"I'm not laughing. I'm in shock."

Steve tips sideways on the couch until his blanket covered head rests on Natasha's lap.

She taps him on his shoulder. "Get up and take this blanket off before you suffocate yourself."

"Why can't I suffocate myself?" He pulls the blanket away from his face though, but only so he can turn the softest sad puppy look in his repertoire on her. 

It works and she starts to gently card her fingers through his hair.

***

For the next two weeks Natasha is away on a mission and Steve feels it reasonable to assume he will be alone when he comes out of his bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist while drying his hair with another. Naturally he yelps and grabs for the cloth covering his lower half when he sees Natasha perched on the top of his couch. 

"What the hell Nat!"

"I just got back from Germany," she laughs gleefully as Steve scrambles back into his bedroom to find something to put on. 

"Flailing is a good look Rogers. I can see why Loki likes you."

"Shut up!" His voice is muffled by the tank top that has wrapped around his head maliciously trying to strangle him. After throwing on a pair of basketball shorts he heads to the kitchen and starts pulling out leftovers for lunch. 

Natasha watches in amusement as the containers start to pile up on the counter. "Cleaning out your refrigerator?"

The mock glare he gives her just makes her laugh again as he takes the lid off an orange plastic bowl and starts eating the pasta inside with his fingers. "I'm hungry," he pouts around his mouthful. 

"Gross." 

Steve tips the pasta towards her in offering. 

"How long has that been in there?" She asks, wrinkling her nose.

Scooping more in his mouth, Steve shrugs his shoulders and sniffs at the container, wrinkling his own nose as he does. Doesn't stop him from eating more though. 

Steve watches as she settles into the couch casually and picks up the TV remote. He knows something's coming. He isn't disappointed. "So how was your date with Loki?"

He isn't happy with the question and so he looks in the next plastic container as a distraction. When it's contents are too far gone for even his stomach he gives up and flops dramatically on the couch next to her.

"We, uh, actually haven't gone out."

"What do you mean you haven't gone out? I thought you said he asked if you wanted to have dinner?"

"Well yeah." He can feel his face heat up. 

Natasha's sigh is impressive for such a diminutive woman. "You didn't set a date." It's a statement not a question. "And you didn't get his phone number so you haven't called him. Am I right?"

"Hedidntgetmineeither."

"Whining isn't attractive. And he works downstairs, you could have asked him any day for the past two weeks while I was gone," she gently scolds. The sheepish look Steve can't quite hide tells her everything she needs to know. "You've been avoiding him," she concludes correctly.

Standing up Natasha pulls Steve to his feet. He could refuse to get up, but doesn't see the point. "Go put on something so you don't look like a frat boy."

She pinches his side when he is slow to move.

"Ow! Fuck Nat! I'm going!"

She only sends him back twice to change when he first comes out in sweat pants and second when he comes out in khakis. 

"Where are we going anyway?" He asks when she finally approves his jeans and dark blue henley shirt. 

"To lunch. You said you were hungry." 

He looks at his kitchen only to find all the leftover food, containers and all, in the trash. "I'm doing you a favor Steve. You don't want to eat what was growing in there."

"Fine. Is Tim working today?" He asks, hoping to avoid Loki.

"Don't worry," Natasha responds, tugging him by the arm to the door. "I wouldn't embarrass you like that." He really should know better.

Downstairs Steve stops and digs his heels in when he sees Loki's dark hair outside the glass door. "Nope."

"Quit it you big chicken. You go out there and talk to him." 

"I'm not ready! I don't know what to say!"

"How about, 'hi Loki. I know I ran out on our coffee date and I've been hiding from you because I'm a big chicken, but do you still want to go out with me?' because I bet that would work."

Steve remains rooted to where he is, refusing to take another step across the lobby. 

"Steve Rogers, you get your ass out that door and ask that man out right now!" 

He shoots her a petulant look and crosses his arms over his chest determined to use every formidable ounce of patented Steve Rogers stubbornness. He really thinks it's going to work too. 

"You go or I will. And I'll tell him about that time that guy wanted to blow you in the bathroom at the bar and you thought he-"

"Alright! Fine I'll go!"

When he opens the door and hesitates again she gives him a hard shove so he stumbles out and trips over his feet, falling down on his knees.

_ Why? Fucking Natasha. Way to impress a guy. Falling to your knees in front of him. Fuck. Maybe he won't notice and I can just crawl away.  _

_ Of course not. Because why would I catch a break now? It's just like the bar bathroom all over again, except this time it's me on my knees. Natasha's right, I am an idiot, there's only one thing this looks like. Maybe Loki won't… nope. He gets it. God that smirk. Needs to be kissed right off his face.  _

"And here I thought you weren't interested," Loki chuckles.

The sound does things to Steve's… everything. 

"No, uh, I am. For sure. Totally."  _ Shut up.  _ "Definitely, very much so. 100%"  _ Kill me now.  _ "Interested, that is."  _ What is wrong with me? _

He falls silent and looks back through the glass doors for some encouragement from Natasha. What he finds instead is the redhead with a hand covering her face as she watches in horror. And yeah, he feels that. Hard.

"So um…" Loki motions to Steve still on his knees. The blond's eyes drift to Loki crotch without his permission. To be fair it is right in front of his face. It would be weird to not at least glance that way. Right?

_ No! Stop that. Don't look at that. Pervert. Okay fine. Just a quick look. And that's it! For later. Nnggg. That was a mistake. Huge mistake… God stop looking! He's gonna think you're some kind of creep.  _

"Right! I'll just get up. Off my knees. Because it's weird for me to be down here. At least out here."  _ What?  _ "Unless you're into that?"  _ Holy hell.  _ "I mean-"

"Steve, it's fine." There's that laugh again as he offers the blond his hand to help him up. "I haven't seen you for a couple weeks. I was starting to think you were avoiding me."

"What? No!" The high pitch of his own voice even startles Steve and he clears his throat a few times to try and fix it. "I mean, no. I'm not avoiding you. Not at all." He crosses his arms over his chest and leans back against the glass door trying to look casual. "Why would you think that?" 

He isn't prepared for the door to swing open behind him from the weight of his body and can't stop himself from falling on his ass with a loud 'oomph'.  _ Why? What did I do in a former life to deserve this?  _ He lets himself fall all the way back refusing to think about how dirty the floor may be and what it's doing to his hair. Staring at the ceiling seems like a perfectly viable option right now. 

"Oh good lord." He hears from behind before Natasha's face blocks his view of a particularly interesting piece of ceiling tile. "You're a disaster."

Shutting his eyes against the look of utter amazement on her face, Steve sighs. "I know." 

"Just stay here so you don't hurt yourself." 

_ Too late. I've broken every single pride bone in my body. Couldn't move if I wanted to. People will just have to step over my body from now on. RIP me.  _

"Okay, so Steve is having technical difficulties over there."  _ Natasha no…  _ Loki laughs and dammit… now he has to lay there in a heap of broken pride with an awkward boner.  _ Nice. I did not spend seventy years on ice for this.  _ "He would really like to have dinner with you. Friday night? 6pm?"

Steve stops breathing. Which is pathetic because breathing is the only thing he's done well since seeing Loki today. 

"I'd really like that. Shall we meet here?"

"Steve?" Natasha calls over his shoulder. "You want to just meet here on Friday?"

He lifts one of his hands and waves it around grateful that the serum seems to heal pride wounds too. 

"Pretty sure that means yes."

"Steve?" The blond cracks an eye open at Loki's voice which is now much closer. And yep, there he is leaning over him looking unfairly attractive. Steve would like to kiss him, except he's pretty sure trying to move right now would be tempting fate. "I'm looking forward to Friday." His smile has a bit of mischief in it. "I'm just going to go around the corner over there," he points behind himself, "so you can…" he gestures at Steve's prone form with another smile and Steve is done for. Completely and utterly done. 

He closes his eyes and nods his head listening to the sound of Loki walking away. 

"Wow."

"Chocolate chip. With hot fudge. You don't get to talk to me until then Nat."


	3. Harper's Bazaar May 6, 1941

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nope

Chapter 3 

  
  


3-Dress to Impress. Always look your best for him. -Source Harper's Bazaar May 6, 1941

  
  


"Alright pretty boy it's time to go shopping!" Natasha announces as she sweeps into Steve's living room. 

The undignified whine that comes from the couch does nothing to deter her. Nor does the petulant sounding, "I don't want to go shopping."

"No, but you want to get laid." She hops over the back of the couch and lands on Steve's chest. "Which means you need to get up and come with me to the mall because you are not getting laid in grandpa's khakis."

"Ouch by the way," Steve huffs as he pushes her off to the floor. She weighs too little and is too careful for it to have hurt when she landed on him and they both know it. Steve still thinks it's pretty reasonable to pout though.

"Get up old man," Natasha says from the floor. "You're going to buy me lunch for having to put up with you."

***

"Look Steve, I can't take you seriously when you do things like this." Natasha's eyes are turned up to the ceiling as though praying to the Macy's God for patience. 

Steve slowly places the shirt on its rack and backs away grumbling, "I thought it was fine."

"No! See, that's what I'm talking about. Do you think Loki is going to show up wearing one of these?" She holds up a green and blue checked shirt from the same rack.

When he doesn't answer, she keeps talking. "What do you think he's gonna wear? Would he show up in this? With maybe some tan pants and sensible shoes?"

The look of utter horror on his face is answer enough and he lets Natasha pull him further into the store. 

***

"Wow, you must be feeling confident if you're picking out new underwear." Steve jumps and drops the package of boxer briefs in his left hand, but manages to hold onto the bikini underwear in his right. "Get the boxers. In blue. They match your eyes and accentuate your legs."

"I wasn't...that's not…," he sputters ineffectually, stopping when he realizes that admitting he was hotly debating the merits of Loki's ass in boxers versus briefs is probably not a good idea. He had almost decided in favor of the briefs and was close to moving onto the all important question of fabric. He had already started a list of pros and cons for silk in his head. Color was never in question. Green. They are always green in his imagination, even if in his fantasies they spend more time on his bedroom floor than actually on Loki's body. 

"Ew," Natasha laughs as a package of athletic socks hit the side of his head before landing at his feet. "You're blushing. Stop thinking about him in his underwear."

Steve fixes her with his best glare as he bends and picks up the socks. Jokes on her though. They're nice socks and so he's going to buy them. He may or may not tuck the blue boxer briefs under his arm as well. 

***

_ I wonder what color the floor is in Loki's bedroom.  _

"Steve." 

_ If it's dark wood this blue one looks good. Light wood would be better with the maroon.  _

"Steve?" 

_ But what if it's carpet? Ugh. What if we end up back at my place? The purple would be okay in the living room, but not really the bedroom.  _

"Steve! What the hell are you doing?"

"White!" He blurts out.

"What?"

He can feel the way his cheeks warm as he looks guiltily between Natasha, the sales girl and the half dozen dress shirts he has opened and thrown on the ground. "Uh," he rubs his hand across the back of his neck in embarrassment. "I think I'll take the white one. It's, you know, neutral, and stuff. It'll look good against different things."

Natasha looks at the shirts on the floor and then back at Steve. "Ew." To the sales girl she says, "he's going to take them all." 

"But-"

"All of them Steve," she insists. "Pick them up and go put them with the socks and boxers I saw you sneaking around with. We're looking at suits next and let me make myself very clear: you will be trying them on, like a normal adult."

***

"I think next time I'll take you to Tony's guy and you can get a couple custom made." Natasha is sprawled across the bench inside Steve's dressing room as he tries on suits.

Steve checks himself out in the three-way mirror, admiring the way the light shimmer of the gray fabric plays across his ass. "Why, does this not look good?"  _ Looks pretty good to me. But does my ass look grab-able? Edible? Fuck-able? Yes to all of that.  _

"It looks good," she reassures him. "Custom would look even better." 

_ I wonder if Loki has a custom suit? I bet he would look… whoa, down boy…  _

"Ew."

"Stop saying 'ew'! You're giving me a complex!"

"Well stop thinking with your dick!"

"I'm not thinking with my dick!"

The sales girl chooses that moment to knock on the dressing room door. "Is everything all right in there? Do you need a different size?"

"No, I'm good," Steve squeaks as Natasha falls off the bench clutching at her stomach from laughing so hard.

***

"Big date?"

"Huh?" Steve is pulled out of his thoughts and back into the salon by the question.

"You have a big date tonight?" The manicurist asks as she examines his cuticles. 

"Yeah." He can feel the smile creeping across his face at the thought of actually taking Loki out. 

"So what are your plans?"

_ Plans?  _ That's when the panic starts to set in. 

"He's taking him to dinner and then the planetarium," Natasha says from beside him where she's getting her own nails painted blood red.

Steve blinks owlishly. "I am?" 

"Yes, you are. You have reservations for 6:30. The car will arrive at 6 to pick you guys up."

"Awwwww. Are you my fairy godmother Nat?" He sasses because he's funny dammit.

"Yes Steve, I am your fairy godmother and it is my sworn duty to get you laid before the clock strikes twelve."

There's not much he can say to that really, except, "ew."

***

At 4:30 Natasha makes him shower with strict instructions not to mess up the carefully styled new hair cut he got today.

At 5:00 she slaps the package of athletic socks out of his hands and hands him a pair of dress socks instead.

At 5:15 she rebuttons his shirt, making sure to line up the buttons and holes correctly. 

At 5:30 she helps him on with his suit jacket, checking him over for lint and wrinkles. 

At 5:40 she hands him a bag with a box of condoms and a bottle of lube. 

At 5:42 he tries to casually open the box of condoms and stick one in his wallet. 

At 5:43 he succeeds and then throws the other eleven at Natasha's face. 

At 5:44 he thinks better of it and stashes them in his bedside table.

At 5:48 he has a minor panic attack when he can't find his keys.

At 5:50 she hands him his keys, wallet (with condom), fully charged phone and the addresses for the restaurant and planetarium.

At 5:52 Natasha walks him to the rarely used elevator (because 'you will not use the stairs and sweat in your new suit Rogers'), pushes the button for the lobby and shoves him inside with a wave and a grin as the doors close.

At 5:55 Steve gets his first look at Loki standing there in a jet black suit, shirt and tie. _Oh my god._ Fitted perfectly to his lean frame. _Holy_ _shit._ Every stitch of clothing on him looks soft and expensive. _Not fucking fair._

The raven haired man turns and smiles brightly. Because of course he does. Loki is standing there looking like a million bucks, while Steve is focusing on a million things at once so he doesn't fall on his ass (again) or say something ridiculous (again) or knock something over (again) or find some new amazing way to embarrass himself.

_ This is not fair.  _

"Nope," Steve declares and walks right back into the elevator.


	4. Reader's Digest March 25, 1942

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Steve finally calms down enough to stop embarrassing himself, he's an absolute shit. And poor Loki is trying so hard to stick to the very helpful advice he got out of Readers Digest.

4- Don't talk about yourself. Talk about him and his interests. Directing attention to yourself will cause him to lose interest.- Source Reader's Digest March 25, 1942

  
  


"Out." The fingers gripping his elbow are small, but remarkably strong. Steve could break away from the hand pulling him out of the elevator, but he knows it's pointless. He might be able to make it upstairs, it's just that he has no doubt he will find himself right back in this lobby, maybe being dragged by his ear in the process.

"Naaattttt," he whines even as be allows himself to be directed into the lobby. "Did you see him Nat? It's not fair for him to look that good." He's halfway to stomping his foot just to make sure she understands just how far he is willing to take his pouting.

"Oh my god. Go out there, say hello like a normal person, get in the car, and have a nice dinner."

"But-"

"No! Go out there or I'm calling Tony and telling him you want him to go with you."

Steve knows the look on his face must perfectly match the horror he feels at the idea of Tony Stark being a third wheel on his date. He can admit when he's been beaten. Doesn't mean he can't still whine. "Fiiiiiine. I'm going. He's probably going to be amazing and perfect and I'll be ridiculous and embarrassing all night, but I guess I'm going," he grouses as he reaches out to open the glass door.

"That's the spirit!" Natasha calls cheerfully behind him.

***

Steve isn't sure how it happened, but somehow Loki looks better than when he first saw him a few minutes ago. Which is bullshit because he's pretty sure his own suit is wrinkled at the elbow from Natasha's death grip and his hair is probably doing something gravity defying just to spite him. Add that to the way he can feel his cheeks burn and he knows he doesn't make a pretty picture.

Loki smiles brightly and gives Steve a once over that has the blond's spine straightening then relaxing when he apparently passes muster and Loki gestures to the car idling at the curb with a man in a dark suit standing by the back door.

"I think this is for us."

"Eep."  _ Fuck. Seriously? That's not even a word. Eep? Who says that? Obviously Captain Fucking Disaster America does. Okay, try again.  _ "Yes."

Steve wants to facepalm in his shame, but at least it was a real word and not a random animal noise. So he counts it as a win. He also counts it as a win when he manages to get inside the car without making a complete fool of himself.  _ Yay team! I think I'm getting the hang of this! _

The ride to the restaurant is blessedly short, he'll have to remember to thank Natasha for that later because it makes the awkward silence slightly less traumatic since it only lasts about five minutes. 

He knows their dinner reservation is at 6:30, but even with his freakout in the lobby and the drive, they are about fifteen minutes early. Turns out he doesn't need to worry. Their table is open and ready when the hostess greets them. 

The restaurant is dimly lit and while Steve usually prefers a brighter setting he does appreciate the anonymity it provides. That along with the table they are given in a secluded corner gives a feeling of privacy that eases at least one of Steve's many concerns. Not many people know him on sight, but he's been getting recognized more and more everyday. As a bonus any potentially embarrassing moments will only be witnessed by a few people instead of like at Starbucks where it felt like the entire city was watching.

"The Great Depression, that must have been interesting," Loki says after they order.

_ What?  _ "Um what?"

Loki visibly flinches and tries again. "You know. The Great Depression. You lived through it right?"

_ What?  _ "Yeeeaaaahhhh, I did," Steve drawls.  _ The fuck kinda question…? _

"So?" 

"So, what?" the blond asks unsure where Loki is going with this. 

"What was it like?"

_ Huh? It sucked, duh.  _ "It sucked," Steve blurts. Because honestly, it did. He decides to change the topic because The Great Depression isn't really the conversation he wants to have over the stuffed mushrooms that have just been placed on the table. "Tell me about your family. Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"I have one brother. What about you?" Loki winces and takes a breath before putting a pained smile on his face. "Sorry. Your family is… uh…"

_ Wow. Alright safer topic. What's a safe topic…  _ He thinks over the suggestions for conversation starters Natasha forced him to role play with her. It had been uncomfortable at the time, but now he's grateful because it gives him something to focus on.  _ Movies? Books? Hobbies? _

"Do you have any hobbies?" He asks figuring that's a pretty innocuous question and then mentally congratulates himself for sounding like a real adult, doing adult things, with another adult. Just adulting all over the place. Because he's Steve Rogers, real live adult. 

Loki appears to be thinking the answer over for a moment as he spears a mushroom with his fork. "I don't really have one." It doesn't really ring true to Steve. "What about you?"

_ Bullshit. _ "Painting. Drawing. Art in general I guess. I started drawing as a kid in Brooklyn and then did some illustration work before going into the army," he says as he carefully sets his trap because Steve Rogers really isn't an adult at all.

Loki perks up at Steve's words grasping on to the topic. "What did you illustrate?" He questions as he pops the mushroom in his mouth.

"Mostly Tijuana Bibles," Steve answers truthfully, trying to hide his smug expression behind a glass of water when Loki coughs around the food in his mouth. The way Loki keeps deflecting any questions about himself is odd, so naturally Steve asks another.

"What's your favorite book?"

"What's yours?" Loki parrots back as he jams another mushroom in his mouth and chews emphatically.

_ Hmmmm….so many ways to answer...  _ "I have a list of books I want to read, but Tony keeps insisting I need to check out something called 'Fifty Shades of Gray'. I think it has to do with color theory. Or something." Steve waves his fork around nonchalantly while cackling internally. He really is a child.

This time Loki actually chokes and Steve is out of his chair patting him in the back and offering a glass of water. "Those books are not about color theory," Loki gasps and Steve laughs, delighted, despite the way Loki's normally pale features are flushed red. 

"I know what they're about," he admits. He actually did read them. And then researched proper dynamics for that kind of relationship because those books were anything but that. Steve goes back to his own seat and forces himself to not think about anything even remotely related to BDSM while he looks at Loki. Not the silken tie Loki is wearing that would be lovely against his wrists or eyes, not the elegant cords holding the draperies back that look like they would be excellent for Shibari, not the way Loki has tilted his eyes down to the table in an innocent and yet provocative gesture of submission.  _ Fuck.  _ "So are you going to explain to me why you refuse to tell me anything about yourself?"


	5. Women's Weekly September 24, 1943

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this time. Steve and Loki's date is a mess.

5- Don't embarrass him. Be on your very best behavior at all times.- Source Women's Weekly September 24, 1943

  
  


_ "So are you going to explain to me why you refuse to tell me anything about yourself?" _

_ Ummmm _

"Ummmm…" Loki shrugs his shoulders and reaches for his water glass, taking a sip to buy time. What is he supposed to say?  _ 'I'm not from around here. My family is a mess, but it's fine because I'm adopted?'  _ Or maybe,  _ 'I applied for the security job because I saw you coming out of the building one day and wanted to get to know you?'  _ That's not creepy at all. Or how about,  _ 'The only friend I had growing up was my brother because everyone else thought I was weird.'  _

"There isn't much to tell." He shrugs a shoulder and sets his glass down, craning his neck in hopes of seeing their waiter bring their food. He could really use a distraction right now. But he's never been that lucky.

The frown that flits across Steve's face is only there for a moment, but it's long enough for Loki to know the blond isn't pleased, so he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. He really should know better. "Natasha said you bought new underwear."  _ Oh my god. No. _

The reaction is instantaneous. Steve's cheeks go red and he drops his head to the table. His forehead clunks against the small appetizer plate in front of him. "Why?" He whines.

"It would seem she thought it was relevant." At this point Loki wants to smack his head on the table too, because why? Why would he say something like that?

"Sir?" 

Steve jerks upright in his seat and Loki can only watch as Steve's arm bumps the plates that are so carefully balanced on their waiter's arm. It's like it's happening in slow motion as the red sauce and noodles he ordered begin to slip off the plate before landing with a wet plop on the blond's pants. He doesn't have time to react though before Steve's chicken lands on top then slides to the floor with a loud splat.

The best part? Oh the best part is the resounding crash of glass hitting the classy hard wood floors and breaking into a million pieces. Because that sound is what draws the attention of every pair of eyes in the restaurant directly to their table. 

Steve's own eyes are wide as he looks from his pants, to the waiter and then to Loki. "I-"

"I'm so sorry," the waiter gushes, cutting Steve off as he grabs the hand towel tucked into the waistband of his apron. 

The waiter drops to his knees and begins to scrape the noodles out of Steve's lap and onto the floor. "Please stop," Steve pleads. "I can do it myself." He looks up helplessly at Loki and then back down again. "I'm begging you. Please stop."

The waiter relents then backs away and starts to pick up the broken plates. Steve looks like he wants to cry and everyone is still staring. It's awful. Completely and utterly awful. 

He isn't sure how it happens, but Loki finds himself on his knees in front of Steve dabbing uselessly at his lap with his napkin.  _ Say something. Something funny to ease the tension. Make him feel better about this shit show.  _ "You know Steve, if you wanted me on my knees so badly, there are better ways to go about it."  _ Really?  _

He winces as he looks back up at Steve, an apology already on his lips. But Steve doesn't look upset. He looks-

"Oh my god!" He throws an arm across his chest, hand on his pec and tilts back in his chair laughing. It's loud and does nothing to direct attention away from them, but Loki finds himself snickering in return. 

Steve's arms flail out as he almost tips his chair over backwards, which only serves to make him laugh even harder and gesture down to the mess in his lap. "For the record, if you wanted to get me out of my pants, this might just do it."


	6. Cosmopolitan June 25, 1938

6- Let him pay. Don't make him feel like he can't provide for you by paying for yourself. - Source Cosmopolitan June 25, 1938

  
  


Steve pulls out his wallet and throws several bills down on the table. "I think this dinner is pretty much ruined. What'd'ya say we get out of here?" He tilts his head towards the door with a grin that helpfully keeps Loki's eyes from lingering on his crotch. 

It doesn't help for long, but for a few minutes he doesn't feel like a creep at least. That only lasts until he turns to follow Steve out of the restaurant and is forced to stare at the man's ass, which he can easily see because Steve has his suit jacket folded over his arm held carefully in front of the mess on his pants. 

"Are you still hungry?" Steve asks once they are out on the sidewalk. "The car won't be here to pick us up until later and I'm wearing my dinner." Naturally Loki's eyes drift down again. What else is he supposed to do? He's just a man. 

Steve's eyes sparkle with mirth and Loki finds that almost as attractive as the man's ridiculous jawline. "I saw a pizza place down the street on the way here. If you want we can go there and I'll buy you anything you want. It's not exactly what we planned, but…" Steve trails off as his cheeks turn pink with embarrassment.

"You already paid for one dinner." They didn't get to eat it but Loki knows just from looking at the menu the wasted meal was pricey. "So you don't have to." The way Steve's expression falls has Loki backpedaling. "I want to go! I just feel bad about you paying. That's all." Letting Steve pay for a second meal makes Loki feel uncomfortable, no matter what Cosmo magazine says. He must have said the right thing though because Steve lights up with a grin that makes Loki's heart swoon and some other areas perk up in rapt attention.

"How about next time you pay?" 

Next time! Steve wants there to be a next time! "Well then, lead the way." 

They make it to the pizza place without incident. They even manage to get a booth, order food and start eating before anything goes wrong.

"Steve!" The whisper yell comes from a man with dirty blond hair and a black eye standing at the counter paying for his take out order. "Steve! Over here." The man is waving to get Steve's attention while also looking around as though trying to be discrete. The net effect is that everyone in the place is watching with various levels of amusement. 

Loki sits up straighter in his chair because now the man is coming to their table. There's a low whine coming from Steve.

"Steve. It's me," the man looks surreptitiously over both of his shoulders and then drops his voice low as though parsing a great secret. "It's Clint." Even with the short time Loki has known Steve he can tell that the blond is ready to scream. "Nat told me you were on a date with a hottie."

The whine gets louder as Steve slumps down in his seat. "Loki, this is Clint. Clint this is Loki," Steve says waving a hand around without looking at either of them. 

When Clint leans over and loudly whispers, "he really is hot, no wonder you meowed at him," Steve slips down even lower. 

Clint slides into the booth bumping hips with Loki until he scoots over to make room and then helps himself to a slice of Steve and Loki's pizza. "You know," he says around a mouth full of bread, cheese and sauce, "Nat said Steve here bought new underwear. So if you play your cards right you may get a piece of America's Ass."

"Cliiiiiiiiiint. Why do you hate me? I thought we were friends. And why is everyone talking about my underwear?" Steve sinks a few inches lower as he covers his face with his hands.

"We are friends!" Clint leans over the table to say, "I'm trying to help you get laid."

Steve slides the rest of the way down so his entire body is hidden by the table. "Thank you Clint."

Any additional humiliation is avoided when Clint's name is called to pick up his order. He jumps up and heads to the counter calling out his goodbyes over his shoulder. Steve just lifts a hand then lets it flop back down. 

"Steve?" 

"Hmmm?"

"Are you going to come back up here?"

"I think I'm good down here," Steve pouts. "I'll come out when the car gets here and then we can go home."

"Oh. I thought we intended to go to the planetarium after dinner." Loki tries to keep the disappointment out of his voice. "But I can certainly understand your desire to end the night early." 

Loki can hear the sound of Steve's phone buzz from under the table and the murmured "oh thank fuck", which is shortly followed by the blond re-emerging from his hiding place. "Car's down the street."

The walk to the car and subsequent ride back to Steve's apartment building are quiet. And when Steve enters the lobby of his building Loki follows. "I had a really good time tonight," he says.

The little half smile Steve gives him is a tiny bit sad. "No you didn't, but thanks for lying. For what it's worth, I'm sorry tonight was such a disaster."

They both step aside when the elevator door slides open and Gertrude McCarthy from the 4th floor steps out. Steve takes the opportunity to slip inside and push the button for his floor. "Thank you for coming Loki. Have a good rest of the night." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 1 chapter left. And one last piece of dating advice to go.


	7. +1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meow

7- +1

Loki just stands there and watches the elevator doors close, whisking Steve away. This is not how he had hoped for his night to end.

"You keep frowning like that and you'll get wrinkles."

Loki startles and turns to the voice coming from his right side. "What?" It's Mrs. McCarthy, from the 4th floor.

"I said you'll get wrinkles."

He looks at her, mouth gaping open, because what is he supposed to say to that?

"Date not go well?" The look she gives him is part sympathy, part curiosity and before he can stop himself he has recounted every minute of his evening with Steve. "Sounds like you really like Captain Rogers."

"Very much so."

"I'll tell you a secret. When I was a young girl I used to dream about dating Captain America. So brave and handsome!" She leans forward and whispers conspiratorially, "you want a piece of advice?"

No. But also yes. "I looked up a bunch of stuff online. Dating tips and whatnot from his time," he flaps a hand ineffectually, "none of it helped."

Mrs. McCarthy gives him a very put upon look. He would be amused if he wasn't so upset. "Listen closely. I'm about to give you the most important piece of dating advice you will ever receive." 

***

The ride up in the elevator is quick. Not quite long enough to get his thoughts together, but he figures maybe that's for the best. He runs through what he plans to say so he's prepared for when Steve answers the door.

But he actually is nowhere near prepared when Steve answers the door. He has his cell phone tucked between his ear and shoulder, a tub of ice cream in his hand and a spoon sticking out of his mouth. He's also changed his clothes and is now wearing a t-shirt that is too tight to be seen in public and a pair of jogging pants that are only slightly better. 

"Nat, I gotta call you back," he says as he lets the spoon fall into his ice cream. Okay, gross. He fumbles with his phone trying to end the call which means it also ends up in his tub of ice cream. Because why wouldn't it? Steve doesn't even bat an eye, just grabs the spoon and proceeds to shove another large scoop of ice cream in his mouth.

"Hi." That's all he's got. Loki's brain refuses to process anything other than Steve's lips wrapped around that spoon.

"Mmph," Steve garbles around the spoon in his mouth.

Since Steve refuses to take the spoon out of his mouth Loki takes a moment to wonder if the blond has an oral fixation, because yes please. "Okay so, our date was not great, but I still had a great time with you. I really like you. And I really want to go out with you again. And honestly I really want to see your new underwear." Why can't he stop saying really?

Steve spits the spoon back into the tub. Which, okay, still gross. "Really?"

"Yeah, really." The pleased look on Steve's face has Loki feeling brave and so he steps closer hoping Steve will take the hint. 

_ "Ask him to come in! And show him your underwear!"  _ The tub of ice cream urges and Loki cranes his neck to get a better look at the flavor because it's his new favorite.

"Shit! Nat!"

***

Loki learns several important pieces of information.

  1. Steve tastes an awful lot like chocolate chip ice cream. Which just happens to be Loki's new favorite flavor.
  2. Steve is a full body blusher with a lovely shade of pink trailing down his neck and over his chest.
  3. Spilling food on Steve is not the only way to get him out of his pants.
  4. Falling off the bed isn't as much of a distraction as one might think when the floor works just as well.
  5. To Loki's delight Steve is ambidextrous.
  6. He also does have an oral fixation.
  7. Steve makes the most wonderful noises with the proper motivation.
  8. Super soldier stamina is no joke.
  9. Steve's new underwear are blue.
  10. Loki only received one good piece of dating advice.



"Just tell the boy you like him." Source Gertrude McCarthy age 92 Brooklyn, New York

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've come to the end. 
> 
> This took a lot longer to finish than it should have. I've been having some health issues and that's taking up a lot of mental space for me right now. I do have several story ideas (not related to this series) that I'll be working on because these boys deserve more attention. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you've enjoyed it.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, I'd love to hear about it.


End file.
